We come upon a pleasant scene, where the back-half of a schoolyard is filled with the laugher and chattering of children, and the camera pans to a small group seated near the goal-posts...

tssssssssssssT! tsssssssssssT! tsssssssssssT!

Male#1: Wow! You sure you're going to be okay with that one?

Male#2 catches his breath before he continues... tssssssssssT! tssssssT! A few other boys and girls giggle in their little circle of friends.

Male#3: I can do better than that! Whereupon he takes another condom from the supply granted to all students that ask for one. Communist Insurgency Tech, after all, is a politically correct, and health conscious school. Didn't you hear the "Rah! Rah! Rah!" in the background?!?!

Another male reaches back, and pulls something quickly from his breast pocket, directing it toward a girl to his left, as he switches it on....

NnnnNNNNnnNNNnnnNNnnnNNnnNNnnnNNnnNnNNnnn!, goes the object.
NnnnNNNnnnnnNNnnnnNNNnnNNNNnnNNNnnNNnnNnn!, goes the object.
EEeeEEEEEEEeEEeeeeEEEEEEEeeeeEEeeEEEeeeKK!, goes the girl.
Ying!! sputter sputter sputter Ptooi!.., goes the object.
Sigh, goes the girl.

Male#4: Shit! Girl#1: What's the matter, Charlie? Your dildo on the fritz?!

The school band music, the giggling, the laughter, and all the chatter grind to a halt, much like Charlie's Xtreme-Xtascy, Super-Nibbed Dildo! The faces of the children all turn together, focusing directly on a fuzzy pink ball that enters the field by seperating a group of Nerf-Football hooligans... Boy#1's condom bursts as he too, turns to look...

Boom! Boom! Boom!

Yes! It's Norty! That every-present fluffball of a bunny you see on TV! He's waving his mallets to and fro, only this time, he appears to be wearing a Playboy bunny outfit.... Say! HEY!


Each jaw on the feild has lowered, as the Oh!s in their mouth grow out of all proportion... No, they cant believe their eyes either! Its... Its...

Norty In Drag!!! And he's approaching CHARLIE!

Boom! Boom! Boom! (Fwoot! Fwoot! Fwoot!) Boom! Boom! Boom!

This is horrible! The feild is a sea of screaming bodies all making way for the exits, and in the middle of it all is a dumbfounded student... It's Charlie, eyes transfixed... and still seated. Only now... He's ALONE!

Boom! Boom! Boom! (Fwoot! Fwoot! Fwoot!) Boom! Boom! Boom! (Still goooing!)

A few have fainted on the sidelines, while a few brave ones stay and watch as Norty comes to a halt directly in front of Charlie, whose eyes haven't moved since Norty took the feild. The silence is only broken by the occasional scream of horror. We close in on those eyes... Charlie's eyes... That utter look of futility burned into them. The sad fate that haunts those eyes, which will surely be closed once death is upo....


The tense and bitter look falls away, as Charlie's eyes light up and break into a crinkled, yet youthful wonderous eye-smile. We can see that, yes, indeed, he is smiling, and his Xtreme-Xstacy Super-Nibbed Dildo wavers and hums, singing its merry tune in his hand. The brave ones on the sideline make a beeline for him, and surround the two of them out there in the field.

And we close another chapter in the life of the battery wars... For all the students at Communist Insurgency Tech, and especially Charlie's ability to deliver a cruel joke, have been saved once again by Norty, and the Duracell Battery Company of Belcamp, Maryland.

The Love God