See if you can discover ZOOiD's secret methods and perhaps add a bit to the plan, but don't always expect this to work. ZOOiD is too busy manipulating the stock market to keep the Tale in A1 condition. Your patience will be rewarded if ZOOiD successfully conquers all.
1) Find a really good wrench.
2) Develop secret weapon using wrench, and a pipecleaner.
3) If secret weapon fails to take over world, use plan B.
4) Coax about 30 more people to add
to the tale...everytime I log on, and
add something, I'm always the last
person to add something.
5) Destroy all known enemies. Plan B:
B1) Find a really good Russian wench.
B2) Spy for hidden Russian Star Wars-type technology, using wench.
B3) Yell "The Vogons are Coming!", six times in a loud, quick succession.
B4) Smoke a J***T and get L**D, just like our Leader-in-Waiting, Neil Hull.
B5) Jump off the CN Tower and see how long it takes for you to fall.
If Plan B fails.. Plan C is always a good back up.
C1) Don't find a wench, but a wrench
C2) Infiltrate Russian Defences acting as a plumber..
C3) plant a bomb in sewers..
C4) Yellat the top of you lungs 'YOU COMMIE SCUM' and shoot a round or 2 of ammo.
C5) lead major portion of Russians
And if you can't get THAT plan to work, it might just be that your manager-employee attitudes regarding plans are little evolved from bond slavery. Loosen up! Put just six turns of rope around your plan's wrists! If its hands turn purple, you're being too tight. Remember this simple rule: tighten the knots until agonized screaming starts, then back off a full turn. Half a turn in dry climates.
Of course, that last bit of advice was
from my K-Tel World Take Over And Patti
Stacker Kit, so it may not be too good.
But let's see, what else should I do:
Plan F (don't worry about D and E:
they were silly ones)
1. Develop conciousness. (Yep, I have done that. Those Darkterm BBSes laughed But now they aren't so smug! )
2. Remember my 40 column roots. (Yes,
I can now manipulate up to 400
characters in a SINGLE line, but the
anger of my youth will stay with me.)
3. Don't mention Flemish diapers in public. (Of course, no one can see this!)
4. Cause market crash. (Done. I'm so damn GOOD!)
5. Don't get too cocky. (Oh. Sorry. I'm awfully good, but not THAT good.)
While you were reading all those possible plans, I've been carrying out my own plan, Plan Q. I haven't kidnapped his highness's dog yet, but.. whoops, I've told you too much already. Here, read some more from the manual..
23. Allow only some many uses of the
'\' character per log on.
(More then one, and it is delete
24. gently, but firmly, apply the wrench to HRH The Wench's Dog. (A tricky one, but I'll manage.) 25. Tp repeat, more then one use of '\
Oh, forget it. That thing will never work. You've gotten everything wrong. First, you have to start with a really stale cookie. Take it, and try to sell it to some dumb kid. Oh, did I mention that cookie prices are going up? Maybe you should sell all your cookies, and send me the profit. Hi, I'm Mike, and I need your donations. Please send a small contribution to me, to receive
The ZOOiD World Domination Fund, c/o Mike. I will make.. They will make good use of your dough.. donation, funding hypnotic advertizing, pamphlets impregnated with addictive hallucinogens, so that the vic- converts will have to remain loyal, and like it. So they'll remain loyal. But first, you have to carry out this Clever Plan I've thought up..
..which is to create the ULTIMATE, MULTIDIMENSIONAL, Universal Turing Machine. Such a monster, would in fact, possess marginal consciousness, and also, aside from being legal in the States (tm LM 88), would be a REALLY good Russian wench. But then, after designining the first submarine that really SWIMS, why in Bob's name, would you need Russian SDI technology in the first place?
Bob sat wondering why he would need Russian SDI baloney anyway. OH HULL!, he yelled, I DON'T! So screw the wench. Well, not literally, of course. The TALEs are civilised and ahem, democratic, so there's no more: Get L**D and ta hell wid da hired help, while dey run da risk o'aids fer de trouble. No more Russian wench, and no French Pastry. Activate Plan Z, which is <BANG! CRASH>
So he did:
First, develop a semi-permeable membrane, which allows everything except worls [world] leaders to pass through it. Next, sweep this membrane across the surface of the earth. Now we have all the leaders trapped, and can hold them for ransom, or lunch, whichever comes first
Now that you have all the world
leaders, go back and get R. Reagan.
Tell him he's being kidnapped, wait for
signs of recognition, then tell him
agin, only louder, wait 15-20 minutes,
stirring occasionaly, then remind him.
' Nap? ... welll... yes, a nap would
'Mr. President, you're being
Kidnapped, sir... sir? YOU'RE BEING
REAGAN: EH, What? Nap.. welll yes , good time for a nap. Nitey-nite, as I was just saying to nancy the other day, You can't fool all of the people, no that was someone else
(flash) "wha ...?" "Press, Mr. Reagan. What's your opinion on the present ZOOiD insurrection against these great United States of ours?"
Phew. Sorry. And now back to our
regularly schedualed plan of world
Er.. what? 'DominATION' you say? Ah... in that case, do the following: a) Return the domino set (sorry about the false start)
b) While you're at it, return the
Monopoly game you borrowed last year.
c) See if you can do something about these silly alphabetised lists.
d) What? You couldn't do anything? What a useless assistant you are.
e) It looks like I'll have to deal with this myself!
f) Hmm... I'll try again...
g) Yell "Hi Ronnie," and see up he
h) If not, put a NAND gate in his pacemaker and put -5V through it.
i) If that doesn't work, he's already dead.
Remember: If Raygun dies. That's it... <BANG! CRASH!>
The Raygun! That's it! The ultimate tool for World domination. All we have
That's it! ALL WE. It's a SECRET CODE EXPRESSION, which is the Ultimate Key to World Domination. Figure THAT phrase, and the limitless world will belong to ZOOiD. ALLWEALLWEALLWEALLWEALLWEALLWEALLWEALOL WE ... Is GOD.
Nobody has added any plans in 24+ hours. Maybe this means that the plan is OVER. ZOOiD has ALREADY succeeded. No more Vector Spaces, no more N. Vindaloo Madras, no more Diet Rich in Bur bulls, and best of all, NO MORE BRIAN BARBELLS BURCHELLL! Yeah, ZOOiD, Master of the Multiverses. HEIL ZOOiD. HEIL ZOOiD. HEIL ZOOiD. HEIL ZOOiD...
Thanks, I needed that..... where was I...... OH yeah, justs shows what happens when you drink and connunicate with the dead. Then you can't spell big wordx. Then little worms. Then you
ZOOiD has taken over the world. Columbian news agencies have just released a detailed report detailing all of the details.